LESSONS LEARNED FROM SOBRIETY
Something many of you may not know is that I don't drink. I'm at a stage where I don't generally keep track of how many days, but I check in every once in a while and as of today its been 865 days since I last drank any alcohol.
When I get asked why, my answer is always the same - my life is just better without it (fyi, if someone wants to tell you why they quit they will - there's no need to ask them. It can be a super personal story to share and not everyone wants to).
There is no way I would be where I am if I was still loving the wine, so I thought I'd share some lessons I've learned over the last couple of years of being booze free that have helped me out:
People's behaviour and actions are usually a reflection of them, and nothing to do with you
Projection is real…..most of the time that person is behaving that way because of how they feel about themselves, and it’s nothing to do with you. There were a few times where people tried to get me to drink, letting me know they ‘wouldn’t tell anyone’ and I should ‘just have a drink’. I could have gone down the road of ‘I must be so incredibly boring without a drink that I actually do need it to be any fun’. Maybe the reality could be that, that person has many issues around their own drinking habits and by choosing not to drink, I’m reflecting it back to them.
I’m not saying we are never in the wrong - we’re all human - but usually, if someone is treating you in a way that feels shitty, it’s about what is going on with them, and nothing to do with who you are as a person.
Fear is good. It shows us where we need to go - so delve in and see what happens
For so long I was terrified at the mere thought of being alcohol free. Surely I would be a boring old fart, I would never be able to go on a night out or to a gig, and I would certainly never be able to enjoy a party (none of which, I’ve since discovered, were true). I was scared, so I just kept on as I was, until I was 38. Then, after yet another hangover from hell, I decided enough was enough, and said ‘fuck you’ to fear. I’ve been telling fear to fuck off ever since.
You can do the scary thing, trust me.
It's ok to be uncomfortable. It will pass - all feelings do
Feeling uncomfortable is one of those feelings that we will do pretty much anything to avoid. How many opportunities, or exciting things, do you say no to, because just the thought of being uncomfortable is too much? The thought - not even the feeling itself! Have you ever stopped to think how crazy that is?! Being uncomfortable is just a feeling….and all feelings are temporary. Think about the last time you felt uncomfortable. How long did it last? A few minutes? An hour or so?
There have many times in my sobriety when I’ve felt uncomfortable. I got through it, or I left the situation, but I still did the thing. It passes, and if it’s too much - you can leave.
You're enough just as you are. You don't need anything extra to make you worthy
Yes yes I know it’s been said 1000 times but it bares repeating. As I’ve already said, one of the reasons I didn’t quit for so long (apart from booze being a highly addictive drug) is that I felt I wouldn’t be enough without it. Enough fun at a party, confident enough, chatty enough….the list goes on.
Enough for who? Turns out, I am enough. I don’t need anything else to make me whole. You are enough, and you are already worthy.
It's ok to let go of anyone or anything that isn't serving you
A toughie right? I hear you: ‘It’s not that easy Emma!’. And yeah, the truth is, it isn’t. It’s fucking hard. But how much more painful is it to keep that relationship going? To keep on with the habits and patterns that are holding you back in a hundred different ways?
Some people will not like it when you change, and that’s ok. They are used to a different version of you, perhaps one that has benefited them, whether unconsciously or otherwise. There is no rule that says we have to stay exactly the same, or that we have to have the same people in our lives forever. Sobriety meant that I had to let go of people, habits, and behaviours - none of which I did lightly. Painful? Yes. But nothing stands still, the seasons teach us that.
We have to shed our leaves to grow again.
PUTTING YOURSELF FIRST HELPS EVERYONE
You can’t pour from an empty cup, and that’s all I need to say on that.
Just a few life lessons that I’ve come to realise over the last couple of years. Many more to come I’m sure, but tell me, what are your life lessons?
